The Myth of the "Pitbull" Approach

Prospective clients often mistakenly believe that aggressiveness is key to effectiveness in family law matters. They perceive themselves to need/want a “pitbull” or a “shark” divorce attorney, lest they lose it all. This perception (understandably) comes from a place of fear and concern for the future, which is not unusual or surprising during what is typically one of the most trying times in a person’s life. Feeling threatened and perceiving children, savings, retirement, and quality of life to be at risk, people genuinely feel they have no other choice but to find a fierce, aggressive attorney who would – theoretically – provide protection against such threat. So, they embark on a search for a “shark” divorce attorney; a “pitbull” who would protect them against all injustice, secure optimal results, and – need be – “destroy” the other side.

It is not an easy feat to explain to a (prospective) client that aggressiveness in the context of most family law matters is far from an optimal approach, even when the other side appears exceedingly aggressive, unreasonable and/or highly narcissistic. I say “most” simply because there are situations in which quick, decisive, and strong approach is downright necessary but, by far, not all. Such approach must be used with caution and in a skillful manner. The problem with the “pitbull” approach is that – at its core – it is exceedingly expensive and destructive financially and emotionally.

“Pitbull” attorneys fight; they do not seek to cultivate a resolution. A “pitbull” attorney does not walk into the negotiation room with the intent to discuss the issues, to mastermind creative solutions, to compromise smartly, or to minimize client’s legal fees. A “pitbull” attorney walks into the negotiation room to fight, to threaten, to destroy, to impose the client’s position onto the other side, and to force the other side to surrender. Such combative approach exacerbates the conflict, needlessly escalates legal fees, and stalls resolution. In the end, clients find their children negatively affected and their savings depleted, which is diametrically opposed to their initial goals. Combat is expensive both emotionally and financially.

Ruthlessness is not advocacy. It is not masterful lawyering. It is not geared towards preserving savings. It is nothing but destruction: psychological, emotional, and financial.

Think about the field of conflict resolution. Multiple universities offer degrees teaching people how to resolve conflict in a way that leaves both sides satisfied. It is an art and a science. An immense body of literature has been written about conflict resolution: its various theories, analysis of the conflict itself, the types of parties involved, the multitude of effective and ineffective approaches and strategies. Those who study conflict resolution do not espouse the notions of aggressiveness, confrontation, distortion, and the widening of the divide. Instead, the focus is on eliminating hostility, focusing on common interests, understanding the other side's concerns and interests, and navigating the differences with skill, creativity, mindfulness towards practical financial and emotional solutions, and, of course, finality.

Think twice before retaining a “pitbull” or a “shark” attorney. Think twice when you hear someone say that they “won” in the divorce and/or received “everything they wanted” because their attorney was aggressive. That person may have been the bully in the divorce, which is why they are thrilled with the attorney they had hired. They are likely not sharing with you the truth about the devastating, permanent effect that combat had on their mental and physical health as well as their children. They are likely not sharing with you the truth about their sleepless nights and their anxiety-ridden days and how significantly the marital estate was depleted during the process.

Finding an attorney you trust to assist during an emotionally challenging time in your life is categorically a daunting undertaking. If you would like to read feedback from Margarita Romanova’s former clients, please click here.

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